Parenting Tip of the Week: Reflect What You Hear
- Eddie Shin, LMFT
- Mar 31
- 2 min read
Parenting is hard, especially in the busy world that we live in. Applying these small and simple skills each week will help you in your journey of parenting and build connection with your children and/or teens!
One of the most powerful ways to connect with children and teens is through active listening. But listening isn't just about staying quiet while they talk—it's about showing that you truly hear and understand them. A simple yet effective tool for this is reflection, or paraphrasing what they’ve said in your own words. This not only helps them feel validated but also encourages them to express their emotions more freely.
Children and teens often struggle to articulate their emotions. They might blurt out strong statements like “I hate school” or “Nobody likes me.” Instead of immediately correcting them, dismissing their feelings, or jumping in with advice, reflecting their words back to them helps them feel heard.
🔹 It shows them that their feelings matter – When children feel understood, they’re more likely to open up.
🔹 It teaches emotional awareness – Sometimes, they don’t even realize what they’re truly feeling until they hear it reflected back to them.
🔹 It builds trust – When they see that you’re making an effort to understand, they’ll feel safer coming to you in the future.
Many parents worry that repeating or paraphrasing their child’s words will feel unnatural or redundant. But when done with sincerity, it’s an invaluable tool for fostering connection.
Reflection doesn’t mean mimicking everything your child or teen says—it’s about capturing the essence of their message.
For example, if your child or teen says something along the lines of “I hate school.” you can say something like “It sounds like school has been really tough for you lately.” At this point, your child or teen might elaborate: “Yeah, I just feel like I have too much homework, and my teacher is always picking on me.” Now, rather than shutting down the conversation, they feel encouraged to keep sharing.
Reflecting what you hear is a small but powerful way to deepen your connection with your child or teen. It reassures them that their thoughts and emotions matter, encourages emotional expression, and strengthens trust in your relationship.
By slowing down and taking the time to reflect, you create a safe space for your child or teen to share openly—without fear of being dismissed or judged. Over time, this practice will not only improve communication but also help them develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
So next time your child or teen shares something—whether big or small—try reflecting it back to them. You might be surprised at how much it opens the door for meaningful conversations and deeper connection.
By practicing emotional honesty, you’re giving your child or teen a lifelong gift: the ability to understand, express, and process their emotions in a healthy way.
Check out Playful Connection Podcast for more tips each Monday morning!
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